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  • Writer's pictureJack Turner

AFL Round Nine

What started as a chore at work, and became a weekly hobby; It's The Weekly Turnaround!

Adelaide Crows vs Western Bulldogs

If you had said before the 2017 season started, that Adelaide would be playing the Bulldogs on a Friday night, you’d have probably thought “Blockbuster,” but in 2018, much like the namesake video store franchise, it was a blockbuster no more. The wet weather helped dampen how big the loss was going to be, but there’s no hiding recording only two goals in a game for the first time in almost 100 years against what was effectively half a SANFL side. Eddie Betts also joined a pretty exclusive list of players who have kicked 250 goals at two separate clubs.

North Melbourne vs GWS Giants

North Melbourne are serious premiership contenders? Crikey, not something I thought I’d be saying before this season started. Bounced back after a hard fought loss to Richmond to smash GWS this week, who are becoming somewhat of a Giant disappointment this year. Ben Brown alone did enough to drive GWS into the floor in the third quarter, single-handedly kicking five goals, and as each goal sailed over the umpires' head, you could almost see the Giants' players hopes and dreams going with them.

Gold Coast Suns vs Port Adelaide

Off to China again!... for some unknown reason. The Suns and Port yet again played ahead of a sell-out crowd that was only a sell-out because they reduced the number of available seats and effectively gave the tickets away. This wasn’t much worth watching if you weren’t a Port fan, except for that one bit where Powell Pepper kicked it over his head lying on his back. That was pretty neat. He even went an apologised to an umpire after accidentally running into him, combining this month's top two topics of "Players Touching Umpires," and "Powell-Pepper Touching People He Shouldn't" into one neat package.

Essendon Bombers vs Geelong Cats

Essendon tried the Trump-Tested formula of firing someone when something goes horrifically wrong (like losing to Carlton) and apparently it worked? Came into the game massive underdogs against Geelong, but made them look like pussy cats right from the get go kicking the first five goals of the game. Will be hard for them to make finals from here, but can at least salvage some pride. Geelong however, continue to be the most disappointing collection of stars since The Expendables.

Sydney Swans vs Fremantle Dockers

I could just write “Sydney played Fremantle in Sydney,” and that should be enough to give you the result. Nat Fyfe was spectacular again, and I’m beginning to suspect that the Anchor in their logo represents the weight of Fyfe carrying the team every week, as Fremantle lost pretty comprehensively to an in form Sydney team. Buddy Franklin also became only the second player in AFL/VFL history to kick 300 goals at two clubs.

St Kilda vs Collingwood

After disappointing last week against Geelong, Collingwood reminded everyone that they are indeed a finals threat, with a comprehensive win over St Kilda, on the back of some De Goey magic. De Goey has now proved that if you're really really good at football, people will forget that you got injured "falling over your dog," got done drink driving on your P's, and got into a bar fight. It’s almost disappointing to say that this game was the closest of the weekend, as Collingwood still won by five goals.

Melbourne vs Carlton

Carlton came into this game on the back of the very confusing conversation of the AFL not being entirely sure how much you're allowed to touch umpires. In the case of the Curnow brothers, it was "A little, but be gentle." Melbourne, on the other hand are looking more and more like the real deal with each passing week, while Carlton reminded us that last week really was a fluke, and they’re actually really very not good at all. A 109 point win rocketed Melbourne into third on the ladder, thanks to losses from Geelong and Hawthorn, and one might hope that their Demons are behind them.

Brisbane Lions vs Hawthorn

Coming after a couple of coaches questioned a private coffee Clarko had with Gill about the umpiring, Hawthorn travelled up to Brisbane. A town that hates football almost as much as Hawthorn hate those rare games where the umpires give the other team free kicks. Luke Hodge is one of the only players in the AFL that can say he’s never lost to Hawthorn, after taking the cake against his old team on his new home ground. We’re taught from a young age that cats kill birds, and apparently that also extends to football teams named after very large cats playing football teams named after very large birds. It was a well overdue win for a much improved 2018 Brisbane football club, and we finally have no winless teams. Until next year Owen.

West Coast Eagles vs Richmond

Top of the table clash! Game of the round! Or at least that’s what I expected I’d be saying, before West Coast made the defending premiers look like a reserves side at Perth Stadium to finish the week off. In a game where Richmond were really only competitive in the second quarter, they were personified by Martin, who dropped an easy chest mark right in front, and got done holding the ball twice. Jack Darling seems to be relishing fatherhood, and in in the best form of his life. Maybe I should have gotten someone pregnant when I was seventeen. Might have improved me enough to get drafted. In this game, the big cats got mauled by the big birds. Maybe the species are important?

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